Fire on the Mountain, Cloud Overhead

I have always struggled with blue moods. I fight it and try to rise above it, but it's always been this threatening little cloud following me around.

This came to a head a few years ago after my mom passed away. It was very sad in that I got to her side just after she died. I hadn't seen her in 7 months, and sadly she had told me that she was in remission from her lung cancer, which wasn't true. I think she was addled from all of the different drugs she was on, in addition to the chemo.  I stayed in Indiana for a week to help my dad get things settled a bit, then flew home to find that my part of the state of Colorado was on fire. It was the start of the horribly destructive Waldo Canyon Fire. So, the week after my mom died, I was sitting in a closed up house (because of the heavy smoke) in hundred degree weather, waiting to be evacuated. On top of all that, I had been bitten on the foot by something while in Indiana, and that bite became horribly infected and itched and was very gross. I was just miserable. And I think maybe in shock a bit.

After the fire was finally somewhat contained and life got back to fairly normal, but I didn't go back to normal. I didn't have any hope, I was so low, I couldn't see the point of keeping on. I kept telling myself to snap out of it and get my self together, I was disgusted with myself for being such a big baby.  I finally went to the doctor for something else, and this wonderful woman looked at me and said, "What's going on with you? You don't seem like your usual self." Well, the dam broke and I poured out my story. We decided together that I would start a course of an anti-anxiety and anti-depressant. The doctor explained that sometimes, our brain chemistry gets off-kilter, and medication is used to get it back on track and help with the feelings of anxiety and hopelessness. At that point I was willing to try anything. So I did, and after a short time, the crushing depression lifted.

I'm not saying medication is the only thing, exercise helps A LOT. But sometimes when you are in depression, you lack the physical energy to even go take a walk. You can also do talk therapy, among other things. So, if you are living in a cloud of depression, don't keep suffering. Talk to your doctor. There is no shame in getting your brain chemistry back on track. You don't have to live this way.


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